Uncle Mort Ethos

For years people have depend on seeking the advice of friends to help with their problems. There was also an alternative what appeared in the Agony Aunt or advice column in a newspapers or magazines. These were the places for people to consult the oracle aunt and ask questions about anything in life. Uncle Mort's blog is the home of an agony uncle and is where you can also ask questions on any subject. The answers you get may or may not fulfill your wishes.

Friday 25 January 2013

UMBAD (8)


There are countless bloggers on the Internet, who write each day solely for pleasure of others. There are also a myriad of subjects and topics that get discussed each day. Some bloggers have hundreds of followers who are almost "blog groupies." Then there are the bloggers who are specialist in their area of interest and command a dedicated if small band of followers.

The Uncle Mort Blogger Award for Dedication (UMBAD) is awarded to those bloggers who in the face of adversity, keep stoically soldiering on. Sharing their interest and knowledge with unremitting dedication.


Uncle Mort brings a new Friday Blog of the week, each week on a Friday. The latest offerings often come from our personal collection of entertaining blog sites. Blogs which combine a catchy heading with an outlandish or intriguing subject matter.


This Fridays UMBAD award goes to Grumpy Old Ken. One man's view of the world. Looking back as well as forward. Remember, yesterday today was tomorrow; still in love with life in spite of increasing years. Nostalgia and neuralgia in equal measure. I just love Ken and his take on life - grumpy or otherwise.

You can submit any website for consideration for the UMBWA award. You do not have to be the author. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the website should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Monday 21 January 2013

UMCRA (2)


There have been many kinds of recordings made over the last 100 years. Some recordings are so memorable as to be instantly recognisable. The recordings actually give a voice to a time and place in our recent history.  At the same time, there have been recordings made that should never have seen the light of day. Not that they were poor quality recordings - the recordings were more unnecessary and even in some cases embarrassing. Now, there has been a seed change - the worst have now taken on the guise of becoming cult and collectables.

Uncle Mort has a new award to award. It is intended to acknowledge and to recognise the the best of the bad. Giving us all a chance to celebrate with the uncelebrated winners of the worst. The creative talent that created the crap.

Uncle Mort brings a new "Monday recording of the week", each week on a Monday. Each Monday the UMCRA (Uncle Mort's Crap Recording Award) will be presented to a deserving cause. This week for your edification the award goes to: Beastiality. What can I say about this recording other than the pig looks to be embarrassed.






Could you suggest any other crap recordings? The ones that are so bad that they have become almost good. You can submit any recording for consideration for the UMCRA award. You do not have to be the author of the recording. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the recording should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Sunday 20 January 2013

Legal or Illegal

BoJo Asked: "What do you think about people who try and do good in the world. Acting in a public spirited way to help their fellow man."

There is an old Yorkshire saying, "If tha does owt for nowt, alus doit for thesen."  People who volunteer for a job in my experience are just the people you don't want to do the job. There is one area where I most often disagree with my fellow public spirited humans. So I thought it pertinent to touch on the topic. If you’re a light touch on regulation person like me, you’re probably familiar with the concept of trying to get rid of something by banning it.


Saturday 19 January 2013

End of an Era.

Mick and Mag's Asked: "Have you ever spent any leisure time on the canals and rivers that make up the inland waterways. If so I wonder what you found to be the best bit?"

Canals were a part of my childhood. I spent many happy hours skimming small flat stones across the surface. Fishing for the little tiddlers and also making makeshift rafts to sail on. I used to enjoy the sight of working barges carrying all kinds of goods passing through the local locks. A bygone era. Now the only boats I see are the occasional cabin cruisers, narrow-boats and converted barges. The rivers by comparison to the canals were much dirtier when I was a kid. Almost nothing could live in the poisoned water.

Friday 18 January 2013

Your January Questions


Please address any questions that you have to Uncle Mort via this advice blog. You can do this by leaving a comment attached to this message. However, you must read the disclaimer before you post your question.


Uncle Mort will give your question some serious thought and will attach your question to his considered reply. 
All of Uncle Mort's advice is given free of charge. The advice given is also subject to the site disclaimer. 
You can find and read the Disclaimer by Clicking Here.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

UMBAD (7)


There are countless bloggers on the Internet, who write each day solely for pleasure of others. There are also a myriad of subjects and topics that get discussed each day. Some bloggers have hundreds of followers who are almost "blog groupies." Then there are the bloggers who are specialist in their area of interest and command a dedicated if small band of followers.

The Uncle Mort Blogger Award for Dedication (UMBAD) is awarded to those bloggers who in the face of adversity, keep stoically soldiering on. Sharing their interest and knowledge with unremitting dedication.


Uncle Mort brings a new Friday Blog of the week, each week on a Friday. The latest offerings often come from our personal collection of entertaining blog sites. Blogs which combine a catchy heading with an outlandish or intriguing subject matter.


This Fridays UMBAD award goes to Politically Incorrect Quote: My first experience of political correctness came in 1965. Of course, I didn't recognise it as that at the time but it still came as a nasty shock. One morning during assembly at Luton Grammar School, the Headmaster coolly announced that for ‘political reasons’, the Grammar School was to close and was to become a Sixth Form College. As from the start of the next school year, all pupils would have to attend their local neighbourhood comprehensive.

You can submit any website for consideration for the UMBWA award. You do not have to be the author. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the website should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Thursday 17 January 2013

I'm a celeb, get me in to here!

Nadine Asked:  "I have read in the papers that our illustrious Members of Parliament have suggested that they desperately need a 32% increases in their pay. What do you think about this?"

The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority, don't make me laugh. Nadine, you are asking about our old house flipping friends with their snouts in the swill trough we call Westminster. It looks like they are showing their true colours again. This time in an anonymous survey conducted by the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority. This is only an initial consultation into pay and pensions. The fact it is anonymous consultation and under the cloak of invisibility it gives them the brass neck so say what they really think. 

Wednesday 16 January 2013

UMBWA (8)


There are many awards available to authors. However, authors of all genre, covert the real accolade of being included in the "Uncle Mort Book of the Week Award." Talent knows no limit and never more so than in literature. There are recognised genius and giants, like Arthur Conan Doyle and Rudyard Kipling. But The UMBWA recognises the efforts of the literature dwarves.

Uncle Mort brings a new Wednesday book of the week, each week. This week for your edification its, "The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories." By Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan.The latest offering from our collection of entertaining book titles which combines a catchy heading with an outlandish subject matter.



OK Girls, you can get out your fake wimple and your riding crop. And surprise your very own stallion tonight.


Amazon readers review: "I found this book to be not only hilarious in its dry humour but also strangely sensual and alluring. As a 56 year old nun I have had many of the burning desires for the sweet scent of a pair of womens knicker repressed. My friend Father O'Flahrety also found it to be compelling and could not but it down. We haven't seen him or my well used copy of the book since, nor Sisters Assumpta and Agatha."

Regards

Uncle Mort.

Tuesday 15 January 2013

A Taxing Time!

Dodgy Dave Asked: "What do you think about British people and corporations  holding large amounts of money abroad in off shore accounts. Such as those, in Swiss Bank accounts in a bid to avoid paying tax."

What we pay in tax, is a personal gripe of just about everyone in the world. I have a belief, if you earn the money, you pay the tax. If the money is earned illegally then you get to pay a much larger rate of tax. The colourful ex colonial tea tax dodgers in north america have a saying. "There are only two things certain in life, paying your tax and death."

Monday 14 January 2013

UMCRA (1)

There have been many kinds of recordings made over the last 100 years. Some recordings are so memorable as to be instantly recognisable. The recordings actually give a voice to a time and place in our recent history.  At the same time, there have been recordings made that should never have seen the light of day. Not that they were poor quality recordings - the recordings were more unnecessary and even in some cases embarrassing. Now, there has been a seed change - the worst have now taken on the guise of becoming cult and collectables.

Uncle Mort has a new award to award. It is intended to acknowledge and to recognise the the best of the bad. Giving us all a chance to celebrate with the uncelebrated winners of the worst. The creative talent that created the crap.

Uncle Mort brings a new "Monday recording of the week", each week on a Monday. Each Monday the UMCRA (Uncle Mort's Crap Recording Award) will be presented to a deserving cause. This week for your edification the award goes to: Gaston and Purcell for Mr Handman, Amazing Feats on Musical Hands. I have no idea why anyone would want to make a recording of noises made with their hands.





Could you suggest any other crap recordings? The ones that are so bad that they have become almost good. You can submit any recording for consideration for the UMCRA award. You do not have to be the author of the recording. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the recording should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.


Sunday 13 January 2013

Carlin Euphemism

Aunt Sally Asks: "What do you think about the use of politically correct language. I sometimes find it very difficult to remember the correct language and phrases I'm supposed to use. I don't want to embarrass myself and I don't want to hurt the feelings of people by using the wrong words."

The world has gone mad when it comes to political correctness. This is political point-scoring and nothing to do with the reality of everyday life. I believe that political correctness is all bollocks.  The expression "politically correct" refers to the use of language that would not cause an individual or group to feel excluded or offended. Common usage of this form of "PC language" is often aimed directly at the disability community. People assume that by being politically correct, any form of disrespectful language will be avoided. It seems to me that an unnatural awkwardness is intrinsically part of the use of this sort of language. We need an attitude changes towards the disabled, rather than allow poor attitudes to be covered up with "preferred" language, that makes no sense and does not change the disrespectful behaviour.

Saturday 12 January 2013

The Compensation Culture

Whippy Lash AsksWhat's happening in the world, has it gone compensation crazy? Everyone it seems is slipping, tripping and falling about the place. Furthermore they are wrenching every bone and joint in their bodies. Vehicle insurance premiums have gone through the roof on the basis of whiplash claims. Where will it all end?

The old days where you had to pursue a claim for compensation and also had to pay to do it have long gone. The no win, no fee change to the law means that even frivolous claims can now be pursued   Without a doubt it now it has been established, that wherever there is a blame, there is also a claim.  That whatever happens to befall you in life, must be due to someone else's fault. The whole concept of natural risk, the gamble we take when we get out of bed is now a thing of the past.

Friday 11 January 2013

UMBAD (6)

There are countless bloggers on the Internet, who write each day solely for pleasure of others. There are also a myriad of subjects and topics that get discussed each day. Some bloggers have hundreds of followers who are almost "blog groupies." Then there are the bloggers who are specialist in their area of interest and command a dedicated if small band of followers.


The Uncle Mort Blogger Award for Dedication (UMBAD) is awarded to those bloggers who in the face of adversity, keep stoically soldiering on. Sharing their interest and knowledge with unremitting dedication.



Uncle Mort brings a new Friday Blog of the week, each week on a Friday. The latest offerings often come from our personal collection of entertaining blog sites. Blogs which combine a catchy heading with an outlandish or intriguing subject matter.

This Fridays UMBAD award goes to Alan's Angle. Alan is a passionate advocate for social justice and fairness for society’s marginalised and has been committed for many years to serving his community in London’s East End, where he lives with his family. He works to empower all local people to stand up for what is right. 

I find Alan to be a compelling read. I keep coming back for more. Alan assaults my senses, he pricks my rampant atheism. I keep coming back for more. He makes me question my liberal prejudices. I keep coming back for more. I know that I could enjoy a pint and a deep conversation on many subjects. I know that the evening would end in turmoil. But I would keep coming back for more. 


You can submit any website for consideration for the UMBWA award. You do not have to be the author. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the website should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.


Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Thursday 10 January 2013

What did you do in the War!


Rupert and Glenda Asked: "The country is in a very bad way, is there anything that we can we do about it?"


Since the start of the second world war, we have had a unsigned agreement to do the American nations bidding. Well, it was possibly contained in a codicil to the lend lease document. We were once the greatest nation on earth - we had an empire that the sun never set on. The Romans also had a similar empire before us. All the great empires of history have one thing in common - each has a sell by date. I'm not aware of any empire that came around spontaneously, all of them came around as a result of some kind of conflict and war. If we wait long enough - we might get a second chance to be great once again.

Wednesday 9 January 2013

UMBWA (7)

There are many awards available to authors. However, authors of all genre, covert the real accolade of being included in the "Uncle Mort Book of the Week Award." Talent knows no limit and never more so than in literature. There are recognised genius and giants, like Arthur Conan Doyle and Rudyard Kipling. But The UMBWA recognises the efforts of the literature dwarves.

Uncle Mort brings a new Wednesday book of the week, each week. This week for your edification its "Whats Your Poo Telling You?" by Josh Richman, Anish Sheth and Peter Arkle. The latest offering from our collection of entertaining book titles which combines a catchy heading with an outlandish subject matter.


This is a follow up volume to "What's My Pee Telling Me" You can't make it up! or would you want to. Some people find an interesting piece of music very moving. Whilst others find a piece on moving very interesting!

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Tuesday 8 January 2013

Who is cheating who?

Mail Reader Asked: "I am sure that you agree with me, that social security benefits are a disgrace. Do you also agree with me that the recipients of such benefits should  be horse whipped. In my day a good dose of the birch would soon have them back on track."

I see that the Mail (a poor excuse for a newspaper) has once more motivated into action its own version of militant tendency. The Glenda's and Rupert's have been stirred awake once more in their cosy Tunbridge Wells hovels. The unthinking rabble is no longer baying for the blood of the Fox has now turned its attention to the unemployed and the disabled. 

Yet in a strange sort of way, the Mail's "Unthinking Tendency" always like to harp on about a time in childhood when they did not have a horse to whip. Rupert's memorable "I remember being so poor that one Christmas I got a battery with a note attached saying - toys not included." causing snorts into their sherry, before they go out to play a round of golf.

Monday 7 January 2013

Demon Drink

Captain Tipple Asked:  "I wonder if I could interest you in joining our temperance society."


If there is one thing that is bound to get my dander up it is a do-gooder from the Sally Bash sticking their nose in where it's not wanted. If I wanted to join a temperance society, I would join the one of my own choice. As I am an intemperate old curmudgeon at the best of times, I can't see any society wanting me to join them.


Sunday 6 January 2013

Whether it matters

Noah Asked: "What are your thoughts about global warming. Is global warming a fact or a piece of scare mongering fiction. What do we need to do to reduce the effects of the change in weather and how can we prepare for the future."

Some long term weather forecasters are and have been for some time warning of a significant change in the weather patterns. A change that will bring wetter warmer summers and colder winters to the UK. The problem is that the weather is now almost unpredictable beyond saying its going to carry on raining. When I was a kid, we had long warm summers and the occasional cold winter sometimes associated with snow. The winter of 1962/63 was a typical case in question. I don't have any insider information beyond - you can give a pretty accurate weather forecast - by predicting the same weather for tomorrow as you have had today.

Saturday 5 January 2013

Being Yorkshire

Eric the Pickle Asked: "Just why are Yorkshire folk so different to anyone else in England. What is it that makes them so special. Why do Yorkshire folk think they know it all?"

You my friend have fallen into the trap of believing that its the Yorkshire folk that are something special. Yorkshire is not only about the people, its much much more about the place. You can't ever become Yorkshire, it is only bestowed by birthright. You will only fully understand the awe, beauty and mystery of the place when you stand in its presence. Yorkshire is to be experienced first hand, for in this large divided county, we have everything.

We understand, just be jealous.

Friday 4 January 2013

UMBAD (5)


There are countless bloggers on the Internet, who write each day solely for pleasure of others. There are also a myriad of subjects and topics that get discussed each day. Some bloggers have hundreds of followers who are almost "blog groupies." Then there are the bloggers who are specialist in their area of interest and command a dedicated if small band of followers.

The Uncle Mort Blogger Award for Dedication (UMBAD) is awarded to those bloggers who in the face of adversity, keep stoically soldiering on. Sharing their interest and knowledge with unremitting dedication.


Uncle Mort brings a new Friday Blog of the week, each week on a Friday. The latest offerings often come from our personal collection of entertaining blog sites. Blogs which combine a catchy heading with an outlandish or intriguing subject matter.


This Fridays UMBAD award goes to A Brie History of Time Herein, you will see an image slide show illustrating Biblical history, complete with referenced verses, detailed stories, and information about the cheeses. We have included events found in both the Hebrew Scriptures (Mold Testament) and the Christian Scriptures (Bleu Testament). Please take the time to read more about the Bible stories and the cheeses. Who knows? You might learn something!

You can submit any website for consideration for the UMBWA award. You do not have to be the author. Write a couple of paragraphs on why you think the website should be considered for this prestigious award. Titles must be catchy, content must be outlandish or intriguing. My indecision in awarding the award is final.

Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Thursday 3 January 2013

Topical News

Conrad White Asked: "What has happened to our newspapers. Once they were full of world news, national news and important local stories. Now they are full of tittle tattle about third rate celebrities."

Hello Moffi, I see you have been allowed out and about in public again. One might even say, A Life [is] in Progress once again. I can see you in my minds eye peer-ing down from Black Harbour towers. Of all the people who could As A Matter of Principle explain the fall of newspapers from grace you're one who would instantly come to mind. 


Wednesday 2 January 2013

UMBWA (6)


There are many awards available to authors. However, authors of all genre, covert the real accolade of being included in the "Uncle Mort Book of the Week Award." Talent knows no limit and never more so than in literature. There are recognised genius and giants, like Arthur Conan Doyle and Rudyard Kipling. But The UMBWA recognises the efforts of the literature dwarves.

Uncle Mort brings a new Wednesday book of the week, each week. This week for your edification its, "Scouts in Bondage" By Geoffrey Prout which is reused as the cover of his book by Michael Bell. The latest offering from our collection of entertaining book titles which combines a catchy heading with an outlandish subject matter.





An illustrated collection of book covers from Victorian times to the 1970s. The titles appeared innocuous when published but, with the passage of time, they have acquired amusing double meanings. Prepare to laugh as most of them certainly wouldn't be printed today. Place your tongue firmly in your cheek and enjoy!!


All the books illustrated in this irresistible little volume were collected by Michael Bell when he owned an antiquarian bookshop in Lewes. His criterion was simple: these were old books that raised a grin if not a guffaw from his customers as soon as they saw them. Some are simply mystifying like the enigmatic "Book of Blank Maps", bizarre like Frances E. Willard's perfectly straight-faced account, "How I Learned to Ride the Bicycle" or simply evoke a world which has long since vanished like Paulo Montegazza's manual on "The Art of Taking a Wife". Sometimes it is the combination of title and cover artwork that does the trick, but most frequent of all is the title that now conveys a meaning quite at odds with the author's original intentions, the boy's story "Invisible Dick", for example, or another children's novel, "How Nell Scored".


Regards.

Uncle Mort.

Tuesday 1 January 2013

Thoughts on Knighthoods

Madge Asked: "Do you have any thoughts on the recipients in my new years honours list?"

I fail to see where any interpretation of honour can be applied or bestowed to this list. The long archaic system of awarding disreputable gongs is now long past its sell by date. The award of a knighthood is now a time and care worn system for sycophant proles to be pleasurably brown nosed by the aristocracy. 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year

Regards.

Uncle Mort.


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